Am I doing any of this right? Sometimes… I feel like a failure.
Is it imagined or is there something here? Bills get higher each week, external pressures increase, can’t seem to keep the house clean, trouble keeping temper in check, timelines/schedules/budgets get missed, I just can’t keep up.
Are my worries relevant or presumed? I wonder if other parents are having the same difficulty with this parenting thing. So many make it look so easy. The guilt eats me alive.
I read and read more; email subscriptions, parenting websites, journals/blogs/articles. I experiment with new methods, new diets, new schedules. I look at other mentors to see how I should be… but I’m not.
There are people out there doing this and they’re doing it better than I am. Who am I supposed to be? How am I supposed to act? Why am I not good enough, or strong enough, or smart enough of a dad to get this right? It destroys a lot of my joy.
I missed the point. Looking outside is a mistake. I’m missing what is right in front of me… 3 little people who want only me. 3 sets of outreached hands saying “daddy”. They don’t say the parent online or super dad down the road or the perfect PTA soccer mom.
I tinker with thoughts about status quo of “good parenting”. Who creates the bar and why do we hold ourselves accountable to someone else’s standard. This is what it ultimately breaks down to:
They say “daddy”… That’s me. The worried mess that hasn’t shaved with a 3 day old shirt covered in jelly stains.
Theres a difference in looking great and feeling great. And for them, I am enough.
They want time spent together, building blanket forts, spin me around, splashing tub water everywhere, unsymmetrical ponytails, and Lego castles.
You can’t fail at a job you were created to do. It doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, it means you need not fear failure.