I am a father of three incredible kids. Two elder boys and a baby girl. Parents reading this will absolutely know and understand that I love my kids for who they are. They all have different attributes that make me fall completely in love with them. No one is greater than the other; however, there’s love that “differs” from one to the next. Its almost indescribable until you become a parent of multiple kids how it works. “Differing” is not a quantitative factor. Love for children contrasts from each other for a multitude of reasons, but doesn’t dilute or enrich.
Gender also brings a bit of a curve on how you view, treat, and love your kids. Now, I know for generations (and generations to come) our culture has been struggling with gender equality. As a society, we’ve made leaps and bounds in the area of social equality. I think that the progress we’ve made shows that we are destined for even more advancement. Yet there is, and always will be, necessary differences in how we raise our children based off of gender.
Women are so complex. My daughter is only 9 months old and I have only scratched the surface on what makes her, her. Theres already a deeper connection with her and her emotions. And for the most part she wears it right on her sleeve. Theres an intrigue and deeper thought process I can visually see when she’s inspecting the world around her. Even at her young age, I can see a difference in the warmth of her smile. And I know only being 9 months in, I have an eternity to go learning about this little lady. Theres obvious dogma regarding a daughters connection with her father. Its undeniable the connection between male and female counterpart as well as the connection of a parent and child. And in my particular case, one more component.
You see, my painstaking truth, is that I have let down absolutely everyone I know. On some level or another, everyone I’ve held affinity to has had a hint or a haul of disappointment due only to me. Family, and those closest to me will contend that its not an entirely true statement; however, my life choices have been greedy, selfish, and at times callous. I can see it in their eyes. To some, only hiccups in a solid relationship and others a bridge burnt to the ground. But to all, an impact. I have strived my entire life to be a man of value, a person of reliance, just someone honorable to count on. That attribute in a person is a fragile one. I know that trying to become and maintain that delicate distinction I squeezed too tight and lost it. It crushes me inside everyday.
I pray every time I get the chance to be forgiven of my transgressions to those I love and that rely on me, and to maintain the duration of repaired bonds. But to this little girl, what is green is gold. She is the only heartbeat of a person that looks to me and me to her, without blemish of failure. She is perfection. And so far, as far as I can tell, the only thing I have given perfection to.